If I Be Wrong
by commanderplexa
Summary: Clarke hadn't gotten as far away from Camp Jaha as she would have liked when she was surrounded. At least it was a distraction, a necessary improvement from the constant screams she'd been hearing in her own head since she'd pulled the lever, since she'd decided to strip away her humanity. And it was all Lexa's fault.
1. An Unwelcome Request

**Hello all! This is my first fic in years and it's very clearly evident by the soon to be read text below.**  
 **All editing errors are my own.**  
 **Thank you for reading this rambling and as always, enjoy.**

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Blonde hair gleamed in the dim light that was cascading down the mountain side as sunset drew nearer. The girl's back was rigid as she moved, eyes darting around the clearing. Being out in the open was like putting a target sign on your back with the words 'shoot me' written below. But maybe… Maybe that's what she'd wanted. Maybe that's what she deserved.

 ** _495…_**

No matter how much she wished it wouldn't, the same images kept reappearing in her mind's eye. Each time she blinked or didn't keep her mind focused on the earth below her feet, she saw them. Them with their wild eyes and terrified expressions.

The screams.

The terrible screams that echoed in her head long after she'd left the Mountain.

Her hand twitched at her side. It had been doing that since she'd pulled the trigger. Since she'd killed Dante. Since she'd pulled that lever.

 ** _498…_**

A staggering step forwards caused her to almost lose count. Counting was always something that had helped her focus, to get her mind off of whatever was ailing her. But now… Now she couldn't breathe.

 ** _499…_**

The sound of hoof beats ring in her ears and she feels the ground beneath her begin to quiver with the weight of whatever is thundering her way. Maybe this is what she deserves, she thinks, as she sees forms riding towards her, unstopping. Maybe this was her punishment, death at the hands of one of the clans.

 ** _500…_**

With the last step, she drops to her knees, letting the horses surround her. She recognizes the armor, the smell, the war paint. Grounders. More importantly, the Woods clan. The thought leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.

Green eyes flash through her mind, those gorgeous and yet haunting green eyes that spoke too much and yet not enough. The same green eyes that had left her for dead.

She could hear the words, taunting in her ears.

 _May we meet again_.

Bile crept up her throat as she looked up into the face of none other than Nyko, a Healer for the Woods clan. His eyes were steely as he dropped down from his horse, looking down at her with something she couldn't quite make out. Whatever it was, it definitely wasn't pity.

"Get up." He spoke in an even tone, eyes locking with hers.

The blonde made no intention of moving, her head just moving to slump downwards, chin hitting her chest. Eyes closed as she waited for whatever punishment was coming her way. Sure, she hadn't been the one to do the betrayal but she _had_ murdered so many innocent people in cold blood _just_ to save her friends. This was her punishment.

"Clarke."

More silence followed, the grounder getting impatient.

With a slam, a sword was thrust into the ground right next to her, showing his impatience and also revealing the young girl's willingness to die for she did not flinch.

In a manner that could almost be seen as comical, the man dropped to his knees in front of her, not even bothering to reach for her chin because he knew this would get her attention. No grounder would willingly put himself in such a submissive position unless they had to.

"Heda gon skaikru."

Clarke's eyes shot up at that, her chin slowly lifting until their eyes met. Gone was the steely look, only fear remained.

"How did you find me?"

"You smell." He said with a slight smirk, repeating Anya's all too familiar words which only furthered to serve the detest in Clarke's stomach.

"I have nothing to say to you. So you should grab your sword and leave before I kill every last one of you."

The man didn't flinch, just like she hadn't, knowing it was a bluff.

"I'll do it. I'm sure you've heard by now. I, Clarke of the Sky People, massacred a whole slew of people and if I need to… I'll gladly do it again to the people that betrayed me. The people that left me to die in that moun—"

"Clarke." He started once more.

"No!" She yelled, jumping off her knees as she stared down at him.

Slowly, Nyko began to rise from his place on the earth floor, shaking his head towards the other Grounders who had reached for their weapons at the outburst.

"I don't want to hear it. I'll kill every single one of you." She spoke, a hand moving rapidly to raise her gun and aim it at the Healer's head. "I'll end you right here and now if you don't leave me the hell alone."

The man's jaw clenched, his anger seeming to bleed throughout him before he reigned it back, looking at her dead in the eye.

"Heda was wounded, Clarke."

The gun shook in her hands, sweat dripping down a dirty brow.

"You're lying."

"I do not lie."

Flashes of green eyes and tan skin filtered throughout her mind. That small smile that was only ever shown to her. The twist of a body as they left her alone atop a mountain. The smell of leather and mint clouded her senses, tasting the bile once more.

"How bad?"

She can't believe she has managed to utter out those words, words she doesn't even care to know the answer to. Because she doesn't. She doesn't care about her or the emerald eyes that gave her so much hope only to dash it when she needed her most.

"That's why I am here, she asked for you. The Ice Queen had her ambushed just shortly after we left the maun."

For a moment her heart seized painfully, thinking of the girl gasping for breath as she lay on a hard bed, covered in pelts. Just as soon as it came, it was gone, the screams of the innocent ringing through her ears once more.

"Take me to her."

Nyko seemed pleased with her answer, nodding to one of the men who then gave Clarke the reigns to a horse they'd brought along for just her. Gathering the bag she had dropped to the ground beside her, Clarke placed the strap around her neck as she mounted the horse.

She still wasn't used to it; riding horses or green grass or any of the things this world had to offer. She hadn't been given enough time to just appreciate because it was one thing after the next.

"It will be a day's journey to her tent and I am sure she will be pleased to know you're coming to see her. Heda is-"

"I'm not coming to see her." Clarke spoke, the reigns in her hand as she turned to face the Healer. The screams were alive in her ears, the blood too much to wash off her hands this time at the cost of her soul.

"But you have just said…"

Once again Clarke cut him off, the ice in her stare and the grinding of her teeth evident of her distaste of the whole situation.

"I am going to the _Commander_ because she deserves to feel what I have felt. She deserves to be given hope only to have it walk away before her very eyes. I'm going to give her what she gave to me. And then if that doesn't make me feel any damned better then who _knows_ what I'll do."

"Nyko! She talks slander of the Heda. She seems she wants to destroy her spirit." A young warrior spoke, his fingers still on the hilt of his sword.

"No." Clarke barked out a grinding laugh, blue eyes shimmering with anger. "The Commander has no spirit, no soul, no _heart_. Whatever the Ice Queen did… If she didn't finish the job, believe me when I tell you that I _will_."

Nyko looked at her, his back rigid and his muscles tense at the anger that the young girl was presenting. But he couldn't report back to his Heda without the blonde. She'd have his head and then where would that get anyone. So with a nod, he agreed, clucking his tongue as they began their journey.

Clarke's hair blew behind her as she followed along, the galloping of horses resounding in her ears. It was nice for a while, the screaming being drowned out by the constant noise. It didn't comfort her for long seeing as she knew where she was going.

It was time to face her very own Judas.

It was time to see Lexa.


	2. Icy Hearts and Open Wounds

**Thank you so much for all of the amazing reviews/favorites/follows, guys!**  
 **It makes the writing process so much easier.**  
 **Here's the next chapter and once again, enjoy!**

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It was late the next day by the time they arrived where Lexa was camped. It wasn't anywhere Clarke had ever been to. A beautiful lake stood off to the left, sand stretching around it before giving way to tall thick grass and trees. An oasis of sorts, it seemed.

"Why isn't she in Tondc?"

They were the first words she'd spoken since telling the group of grounders to take her to their commander. They'd stopped for about two hours of rest and a light meal but Clarke had only nodded or grunted in response.

It was no wonder that when she finally did speak, they all stared at her in disbelief.

Clarke only rolled her eyes at this, dismounting her horse and tying him up to a tree as she waited for an answer to be given to her.

"Unsafe." Nyko only spoke the one word before motioning towards the tent that Indra was posted in front of. The woman could only scowl at Clarke as the blonde squared her shoulders, keeping her jaw firm as she walked through the flaps of the tent.

She was expecting to see her bleeding to death on a bed, feverish and begging to be put out of her misery. She was expecting for the Commander to lock eyes with her just so Clarke could spin around and leave, leaving her last dying breaths to be had alone. It was what she deserved. Right? Right...

So when Clarke walked through the tent, the anger coursing through her veins only intensified at the sight before her. Lexa was sitting at her desk, sharpening her dagger. The bag the blonde had been carrying in a death grip ended up slipping from her hands to the floor with a loud thud.

Lexa stopped the downwards strike of the blade, slowly turning in her chair. Blue orbs met wide green ones, watching as the brunette rose from her chair in such a harsh manner that she knocked it to the ground.

"Clarke."

"I thought you were _dying_." The blonde ground out, taking a menacing step forward that only left her even angrier at the sight of seeing Lexa hold her ground.

"You sound as if it was what you were hoping, not wondering, Clarke."

The words were spoken in a hushed whisper, not wishing for the others to hear them. But unluckily for her, Clarke didn't give a damn.

"Stop saying my name, _Commander_. Nyko told me you requested me and I was _hoping_ that you had been injured. I wanted to see you as helpless as I was." She spat with a venom that sent even Lexa reeling slightly back, her neck tensing.

"I understand your anger. It is well founded but there is more to the story than you realize."

Those words were what broke the camel's back for Clarke, the blonde charging forward towards the young Commander.

"Don't you _dare_ think that you understand my anger. Don't you _dare_ try to comprehend the pain that I am feeling in this moment. You were the one who betrayed me, Lexa. You made me lose myself on that mountain. We could have all made it out safe had you not decided to be the biggest bitch in the universe and abandon me. You left me to _die_."

At the mentions of death, something akin to hurt flashed in Lexa's usually unreadable eyes. She took a step forward but that wasn't what Clarke wanted.

Before she could stop herself, a crack pierced through the air, Lexa's head shooting to the side as red immediately began to show upon her tan skin. In any other circumstance, Clarke was sure to show immediate remorse but not now. Not after what Lexa had done. The anger had began to whittle away at her for too long to think of what she actually felt.

"You led me to trust you. I accepted what I felt for you after we kissed. I knew it had been there. Growing. No... _Festering_. And I knew I couldn't be with anyone. Not yet because we still had work to do. And then you left. You threw everything away, my people and their lives to save your own ass."

Lexa didn't do anything, didn't offer up any words in return nor did she advance towards Clarke. The only move she made was to back up a slight few inches and sit on the edge of her bed.

"You did all of that and for what, Commander? Only to get ambushed by a Queen that killed the woman you loved in cold blood. Sounds like I've got a guardian angel looking out for me, after all."

Clarke knew the words would sting and that's what she wanted. She wanted Lexa to feel as if her heart was being ripped from her chest, like she couldn't breathe and that the ground was slowly beginning to swallow her whole.

"Dante told us the deal he made with you. I should have known you couldn't be trusted."

"Are you finished, Clarke?"

There it was again, the hushed whisper haunting her ears once more as the desire to strike the already weak girl in front of her boiled to the surface. Luckily this time she managed to hold back.

"Just give me one good reason why you did it."

"I already told you, I chose my head over my heart. Just like you did when you took down the maunon."

Clarke took a step back, disbelief washing across her face from the exchange. She had only told the Grounders that had accompanied her to Lexa's campground about the mountain and they hadn't even had a chance to speak to their Commander. Someone else must have known. Word had spread like wildfire of what she'd done, apparently. Of course it had. Misdeeds always were the first to be spread, no matter what the culture.

"Because you gave me no other choice! You left me and I had no choice but to kill them. I-…" Her resolve broke momentarily. "Give me a reason that makes me understand what you did. What you made me do to them. All of the men and women and… Children. You made me a murderer."

"Were you not one before?" Lexa responded, the words coming out as more of a question even though they both knew it was a statement. Clarke had killed before and those of the mountain would not be the last.

 ** _1…_**

Clarke began to turn around, her right foot planting into the earth as she started to move away from the woman that caused so many chaotic feelings inside of her. How could she hate someone and not even hate them at all in the same instance?

"Clarke, where are you going?"

 ** _2…_**

The blonde ignored her, the screaming filling her ears and the smell of flesh working its way into her nose. She wouldn't give Lexa the satisfaction of an answer. She came her to give Lexa the same gift she'd been given. Maybe they were both better off alone.

 ** _3…_**

"Dante knew."

It was funny, really. She had been able to go five hundred paces away from her camp and not even think once of turning back around but she couldn't even go three without slowly turning on her heel to look at the girl who was now sharing space with her, having moved to close the distance without Clarke even realizing it.

"He knew about my weakness."

Clarke scoffed, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You don't have a weakness, Commander. Only love is weakness."

The next words came out in a whisper that if Clarke hadn't been as close to Lexa as she was, she wouldn't have heard them. Even so, it had taken all the amounts of concentration she had to completely hear what was said.

"I know."

Before Clarke could even think about what that meant, her mouth opened to speak but Lexa shook her head, effectively silencing her.

"He had a sniper trained on you the whole time. If I hadn't left with my men, he would have put a bullet in your head."

Clarke took a step back, the words ricocheting through her like the shot that had never been taken would have had Lexa decided to not leave, take her people and go.

"Dante knew how strong we were together. He knew what I had known the moment I met you and he used it to meet his ends. I could not let you die, Clarke. Not by my hand."

Guilt swept through her stomach like a flood, shaking Clarke to the core as she tried to wrap her mind around the thought of what Lexa had done. As instantly as it had come, however, it soon left. The weight of the gun could still be felt even in her empty hand.

"You're lying…"

"I have no reason to lie, Clarke. Your assassination could have led to the end of the war against them. But I told him I would retreat if they spared your life. I don't believe they thought you had a chance without me. They gave me my people as a bargain that I wouldn't return."

The animosity that Clarke had been feeling slowly began to leave her body, only leaving her confused and tired. Deep down she knew she didn't hate Lexa, only herself. She hated herself for doing exactly what Lexa had done. She'd thought with her head and not her heart. She'd killed so many people, all for the sake of a few.

Fresh tears bubbled to the surface, eyes glossy and round as she struggled to come to terms with what the other girl was trying to divulge to her.

"You said you thought with your head and not your heart… You told me—"

"I did. And I don't regret it. The Ice Queen learned that I had refused to fight and saw that as a sign of weakness. Chose to strike and strike well she did."

"I could have died…" She breathed out, the hand that had been twitching at her side coming up to rub her face.

"And yet you live."

The words hung in the air as the crackling of a fire could be heard, the men outside talking amongst themselves and being respectful of their Heda by not listening in on the conversation the two were having, no matter how interesting it was. Indra and Nyko were close but knew not to disturb the duo, no matter how much they wanted to check in on things.

It felt like hours before Clarke could work up the courage to speak when it was only a few moments. When she finally did take in the draw of breath to utter out something, anything to say to Lexa, only then did she notice the bright red stain on the other girl's top.

Her brow furrowed, Clarke taking a step forward as her hand left her face to start to reach out, as if she was going to touch where the blood was leaking from. At the motion, Lexa looked down, hand coming down to touch against the ever-growing stain. When she pulled her hand back it was soaked with her own blood.

A staggering step was taken forward before Lexa fell to her knees, blood soon dripping out of her mouth. Her eyes locked with Clarke's, the confusion spreading on her face as well as a mixture of pain.

Clarke shot forward, immediately bringing hands towards Lexa to grab her but she was too late. Lexa's eyes were rolling back into her head as her body crumpled backwards, Clarke only managing to scoot a palm underneath the back of her head so as to avoid a concussion.

Only then did Clarke realize what Lexa had meant earlier.

 _You don't have a weakness, Commander. Only love is weakness_.

 _I know_.

Her stomach lurched at the implication as she scrambled to pick up Lexa in her arms, the blood now soaking her own shirt.

"Nyko!" She screamed, waiting only mere seconds before he and Indra came charging in.

"What did you _do_ , natrona?" Indra all but hissed at her as she made a motion to gather up Lexa in her arms but Clarke wouldn't budge despite being just called a traitor.

"She… I don't…" Clarke stuttered, not knowing what to say or think but Indra was too impatient to let her ramble for long as she tried once more to make a grab for the Commander but Clarke held her protectively against her chest as Nyko began to examine her wound, having torn her shirt in two.

"Speak words, Skai girl."

"It is her wound, Indra. Something is not right when she breathes. We need to fetch the Healer from Polis. Now." Nyko offered for Indra in an attempt to get the woman to calm down which as everyone knew, was hard to do once the older woman got started.

Clarke's head snapped up from where it had been looking down at Lexa's unnaturally still body. She knew what that meant. Lexa's lung was collapsing. Nyko began to lift Lexa's body from Clarke's arms to move her to her bed, Clarke then springing into action as she dove for her bag.

The sudden action caused Indra to draw her sword. Clarke held up her bag, pulling out a syringe. She'd seen her mom do this a thousand times. Okay, maybe not a thousand times but enough to know what not to do.

"I can help. Let me help her." She uttered out, making a move for the bed to which Indra blocked her path. Nyko clicked his tongue, Indra grunting but not budging. Clarke's eyes pleaded with the woman, full of tears. " _Please_."

"Indra. Move or be moved." Nyko bellowed, the words sending Indra moving to the leave the tent with a huff.

"You need to get my mom."

Indra turned at the words, eyes looking like fire. Normally Clarke would have taken a step back but all she could do was take a step forward with determination.

"She needs medical supplies. Supplies that I'm sure they don't have in Polis. Please. Send someone for her. Tell her that I have sent for her. Tell her everything is koala tea."

If it had been any other time, she would have explained the meaning behind the words. The joke that had originated on the Ark back when she was younger that soon turned into their safe word. But now was not the time and despite the confused looks, Indra seemed to agree to her request before backing out of the tent.

Moving back to look at the girl on the bed, Clarke sat down next to her, noting how Nyko was taking her pulse.

"Heda is weak."

Clarke looked down at the Commander, tears washing down her cheeks as she grabbed at the syringe, inspecting the needle with her meticulous artist's eye. It looked to be the right size for what she was about to do. Leaning down slightly, Clarke went to press a kiss to the girl's forehead but then decided it would probably be a sign of disrespect to do so at the moment so she pulled back.

With pleading eyes, Clarke looked up at Nyko, his words sinking into her skin as she remembered exactly what Lexa had been trying to say to her.

"I know."

And with that, Clarke jammed the needle down into Lexa's torso.


	3. Wishing and Hoping

**Thank you all yet again for the feedback/follows/favorites!**  
 **I hope that this chapter can give you some answers as to what happened with Lexa but also bring in some familiar characters as small cameos to give Clarke some comfort.**  
 **Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

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Hours. It had been hours since she'd last heard a word from anyone inside Lexa's tent. Her mother had arrived the next day after they'd sent word, kissing her daughter's forehead before going wordlessly to aid the unconscious warrior. And there she'd stayed, even after most of the day had passed.

A warrior, Mathias, had told her about the ambush. How the Queen hadn't been there in person but had sent some of her best warriors to try and take out the young Commander. With Lexa out of the picture, the Ice Queen could take over as Heda of the twelve clans. Clarke barely could pay attention to it all due to Mathias going into gruesome detail on how Lexa was attacked.

An arrow had pierced her side, missing any major organs thankfully, but it had nicked the left lung, causing a small pneumothorax to later occur. Lexa had been stitched up by Nyko but during her and Lexa's argument... She must have torn the incision which only gave way to the pneumothorax to become a more prominent problem.

The blonde had berated herself for a good forty-five minutes before falling asleep for a few hours only to be awakened by the alert that her mother had arrived.

After that, all she could do was wait. Wait and pace back and forth.

Clarke didn't know how long she'd been pacing for but her heart almost jumped out of her throat when she heard a voice call out to her.

"Clarke."

The blonde spun around just in time to see Raven, Octavia and Lincoln. They were a sight for sore eyes and she was utterly surprised and yet delighted to see them. She didn't even have to ask Octavia where Bellamy was because she knew. He was still upset she'd left.

With as much enthusiasm as she could muster given the current circumstances, Clarke jogged to the group of people that she'd come to love and respect, hugging all three of them tightly. Octavia and Raven smiled at the display of affection coming from the normally stoic blonde but what surprised them most was Lincoln picking Clarke up as he hugged her.

The blonde about shrieked before he let her back onto the earth, Raven cocking an eyebrow at him.

"What the hell was that?"

"Octavia told me that's how one hugs another after not seeing them."

Octavia blanched before face palming and shaking her head, a hand moving to the man's arm.

"No, I meant that's how you greet _me_ after not seeing me."

Lincoln's eyes widened at his mistake, taking several steps back from Clarke which only made her want to laugh further but the sound just wouldn't come out. It couldn't.

"You're fine, Lincoln. But honestly, what are you guys doing here?"

Raven looked at her with mirth-filled eyes despite how she kept her expression serious.

"Oh we just put a tracker in your mom's bag. Wanted to know where you were and boom, here we are."

Clarke just shook her head, letting a small smile wash over her face before stepping closer. It was as she did so that she saw the scarring Raven had sustained, her heart dropping into her stomach. Right. She had been the cause of that.

"How can you guys even look at me?"

The words left her lips before she could stop them, Clarke's eyes closing as she waited for the barrage of anger to hit her full force. Despite their happiness to see her, she knew that they had to be hostile towards her, somewhere, deep down. She'd become a monster in order to defeat the mountain. And that wasn't even thanks to Lexa.

"You did what you had to do."

"You weren't alone in your choice."

"Bell pulled the lever too, Clarke."

Their voices rang out in unison but Clarke heard them all separately. The first voice belonged to that of Raven, the girl having spoken the words with a shrug. The second to that of Lincoln, who remained still as a statue but his eyes showed more warmth and understanding than she'd expected. Clearly she'd missed something in between him being taken away and him showing up at Camp Jaha.

Lastly, Octavia's voice registered and the knot twisted in her stomach. She remembered how the lever felt, how she wished she could drown it all out and not think about it. All the food the grounders had given her felt as if it was rising upwards and no matter what she did, she couldn't keep it down.

With a lurch, Clarke turned just in time to let loose the contents of her stomach in a bush. Raven let out a disgusted groan, Lincoln continued to stand still but only slightly so due to shifting from one foot to the other and Octavia was crouching by Clarke in an instant, grabbing for her hair.

The blonde's body heaved as each new wave of nausea hit her like a tidal wave, rippling through her and releasing anything she'd eaten in the past two days. Soothing circles were rubbed onto her back as her convulsions finally died down.

Surprisingly enough, it was Lincoln that brought her the bottle of water for her to rinse out her mouth before offering her a few leaves of a plant. When Clarke looked at it questioningly, he pressed it into her palm.

"Mint plant. Chew it."

Clarke nodded, understanding the token and began to chew on the leaves. Thankfully the taste of bile subsided and she was left with a pleasant taste in her mouth.

After a few moments had passed, Clarke led them all over to the fire that was made up for her outside of Lexa's tent. Nothing was spoken for a good hour as they all just stared into the flames, watching them flicker and dance across their eyes.

"She did it to protect me." Clarke offered, watching as Raven looked at her with a defiant gaze.

"Of course she did. Who doesn't love a good protection deal by being left to die? Makes perfect sense to me." She said with an eye roll, the mechanic stoking the fire harshly as if she were pretending it to be that of the Commander's injury.

"Dante had a sniper on me. I don't know how but I can only assume that there were people still working with him on the inside. Unless Lexa left… He was going to kill me."

Octavia sat up straighter at the admission, her eyes darting back and forth between the group of individuals around the fire. She scooted closer to Clarke, putting a hand on her knee.

"And do you believe her?"

Raven scoffed before being elbowed by Lincoln, the girl yelping slightly before smacking him back. Clarke had no idea when _that_ friendship had started but it wasn't like she'd been around to notice much of anything. She'd always been with…

Her head turned slowly, eyes on the flap of the tent before she nodded.

"I do."

Before anyone could say anything else, Abby came out of the tent with Nyko not trailing too far behind. Clarke shot up from where she was seated, teetering slightly from the rush to her head only to be balanced by Octavia.

"She'll be fine, Clarke. You did the right thing with the syringe."

Clarke could only nod before beginning to walk towards the tent.

"She's not awake yet." Her mom started, hand at Clarke's elbow to which the blonde looked down at before gently pulling away.

"So let me be there when she does."

Abby could only sigh at Clarke's determination and the desperate fire in her eyes. She didn't understand the connection the two had and maybe she never would but for now, she'd leave it be. With a nod, she agreed, watching as Clarke left them by the fire.

With a pounding in her pulse, Clarke made her way inside the tent to where Lexa was laying on the bed. She looked so small and weak without her armor, without her war paint. Sitting down in a chair next to the bed, Clarke scooted close.

Eyes raked over the girl's body, feeling her own stiffen at the sight of her. She was going to be fine, she was going to be okay. She just had to.

Swallowing thickly, Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand that was resting beside her body, picking it up and squeezing.

Without even realizing it, time seemed to slip away and before she knew what was happening, her eyelids began to droop. They fluttered open and closed for several moments before her chin hit her chest, her hand still clutched tightly to that of the Commander's.


	4. Words Need Breath, Lungs Need Oxygen

**I just wanted to apologize profusely for not having updated this sooner. I had some real life stuff come up as well moving and starting up college once again. But now I'm back in the swing of things and hopefully you all can forgive me for my absence. This isn't as long as other chapters, but I'm already almost done with Chapter 5 which will be the final chapter before the epilogue.**  
 **Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

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It was well into the hours of early morning, probably around a quarter past six when Clarke finally stirred in her sleep. She'd tried to stay awake, honest she had, but holding Lexa's hand had given her a comfort that she didn't know the Commander possessed, even while unconscious.

But she didn't stir of her own accord, no, something had woken her up. Eyes refused to open due to how tired she was, Clarke keeping her chin on her chest for several more moments before she realized what exactly had caused her to awaken.

Something, no, _someone_ had squeezed her hand.

With a jolt, Clarke's head shot up, blue eyes wide as all thoughts of sleep left her body once she met those gorgeous green orbs. Her body felt lighter than it had been for the past few days, the urge to cry from happiness welling up within her but she managed, just barely, to hold it back.

"Clarke." The voice rasped out, her eyes searching for something as Lexa struggled to sit up. Clearly, she wasn't used to being this wounded. Or if she was, she didn't show it.

Clarke shook her head, pushing lightly on her shoulder as she reached for a cup of water, holding it to the brunette's lips who took a few swallows of the cool liquid before grimacing.

"I would appreciate it if you would not speak to the others about my current state. They would not take kindly to the Heda showing such…" Her voice broke off at the look she was given from Clarke.

"Weakness?" Clarke offered, putting the cup to the side as she moved out of the chair to sit on the side of the bed. She'd never seen Lexa like this, all small with wide, questioning eyes that were begging to ask a thousand different questions but resorted to none.

Lexa could only muster up a nod under Clarke's intense gaze, the blonde lifting a hand to caress a tanned cheek. Funnily enough, it was the one she'd slapped days prior. Lexa stiffened slightly under the touch before Clarke felt her lean slightly into it. The movement caused Clarke's breath to catch in her throat, her heart pounding in her chest from the sight.

"Love _is_ weakness, Lexa." She said, hoping the girl would catch her meaning.

Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes darted to her own, surprise clouding them. Before the warrior could even open her mouth to speak, the blonde beat her to the punch once more.

"But like my dad used to tell me… Loving someone may be a weakness, but… To be loved by someone is a strength." She managed to say without stuttering, eyes drifting down slightly to their joined hands before biting her lip. "I don't know if you want to believe me or not but I think you can see that I'm right. If I'm right about one thing... It's this."

Lexa nodded, not knowing how to respond to respond to the girl who had so easily and rapidly captured her heart. Clarke was something she couldn't quite describe, something she couldn't quite grasp and yet, here she was, telling her things that made her already hazy mind spin. There were a thousand things she wanted to say but none of them quite managed to leave the tip of her tongue. All she could do was stare into blue pools and want nothing more than to drown in them.

Clarke wasn't phased by the lack of communication, knowing that her and Lexa often said their most when they weren't talking at all. Eyes closed as she remembered one of their best moments; the kiss. It came back in flashes, much like most of her memories always did, all want and need and... There had been no room for error, they had both wanted it, lips and lungs craving what only they could give to each other. But she hadn't been ready and the kiss that could have been the start of something had only led to the end. Or at least, she thought it had.

"Lexa, I..."

Silence had fallen upon the room and Clarke had attempted to rectify that but as she looked up, she saw that Lexa was sleeping peacefully, her face relaxing into Clarke's palm. The blonde's fingers flexed but she kept her hand there, thumb swiping the skin tenderly before slowly easing Lexa's head back onto the pillow.

Laying on the bed next to Lexa, Clarke made sure to keep her distance but brought her hand up to rest on the older girl's arm, running her fingers back and forth in a soothing manner. They didn't need to discuss what all this meant, the feelings that she had only days prior wished would disappear but had remained, her heart knowing what she'd really wanted. No, they didn't need to discuss this now.

They could talk later.

There would always be later.


End file.
